The holidays are upon us!
A time of twinkling lights, warm drinks, and the annual question: Who do I really want to spend my precious time with?
For some, the answer might be family by birth; for others, it’s the chosen family that fills our hearts.
Either way, the season offers a unique opportunity to reflect on the relationships that matter most—and how to nurture them with intention and care.
Let’s dive into how we can bring our best selves to these moments of connection, using tools from emotional regulation and nervous system care.
Because let’s face it: sometimes, even the most beloved people in our lives can test our patience. (Yes, Aunt Karen, we’re looking at you and your unsolicited casserole opinions.)
Step 1: Choose Your People
Imagine your time and energy are like a gift-wrapped present. Who truly deserves that gift?
Take a pause and reflect:
Who fills your cup instead of draining it?
Who challenges you to grow in the best way?
Who makes you laugh until your cheeks hurt?
It’s okay—no, it’s essential—to be choosy. Relationships are like gardens. They flourish with attention and care, but only if the soil is fertile. Decide which connections are worth your energy this season and let the rest take a backseat.
Step 2: Upgrade Your Connection Skills
Once you’ve chosen your people, it’s time to bring your A-game to the table (or couch, or virtual call). Connection isn’t just about showing up; it’s about how you show up. Here are three skills to keep in your pocket:
1. The Power of the Pause
Picture this: someone says something that makes you bristle. Your heart races, your palms get clammy, and suddenly you’re ready to snap back. Stop. Breathe. Pause.
The pause is your superpower. It gives your nervous system a chance to calm down, shifting you from fight-or-flight mode into a place where real connection can happen. Use it to choose your response instead of reacting on autopilot.
2. Emotional Regulation Is Your Wingman
We all bring our emotional baggage to relationships. The trick is not to unpack it all over someone else’s living room. Before stepping into a big gathering (or even a one-on-one hangout), check in with yourself.
Are you feeling overwhelmed? Take a walk or practice deep breathing to ground yourself.
Feeling irritable? Acknowledge it and make a plan to set boundaries if needed.
Regulation doesn’t mean faking happiness; it means showing up authentically without letting your emotions run the show.
3. Ask Better Questions
Ditch the small talk. Instead of "How’s work?" try "What’s been lighting you up lately?" or "What’s a win you’re proud of this year?" Thoughtful questions open the door to deeper conversations and help you really see the people you care about.
Step 3: Remember the Big Picture
Here’s a sobering (but liberating) truth: we only get one shot at this life thing. Every conversation, every laugh, every shared meal is a moment you won’t get back. So why waste time on grudges, half-hearted interactions, or mindless scrolling?
This December, let’s all commit to living like connection matters—because it does. When you show up for your people with intention, care, and a regulated nervous system, you’re not just improving your relationships; you’re enriching your own life.
A Final Note: Be Kind to Yourself
If the idea of curating your relationships and sharpening your connection skills feels overwhelming, take heart. Connection is a practice, not a perfection. Some moments will be messy, and that’s okay. What matters is the effort to show up and keep trying.
So go ahead: gather your people, chosen or otherwise. Laugh loudly. Hug fiercely. And don’t forget to pause when Uncle Mike brings up his latest conspiracy theory.
Here’s to making this season one of intentional connection and heartfelt moments. After all, this life is too short to spend it any other way. 🎄💛
Want to learn more about emotional regulation, nervous system care, and making your relationships thrive? Check out Broadmind’s resources and workshops.